Jeber’s

Be honest; do you like me?

You worthless bag of filth

You vulgar little maggot.

You are a canker. A sore that won’t go away. I would rather kiss a slug than be seen with you. You’re a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beast who sired you and then killed himself in recognition of what he had done. Your daddy was a bastard, your mamma was a whore, and you wouldn’t be here if the rubber hadn’t tore. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you.

You have all the appeal of a booger. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood.

May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You’re a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Sheep won’t have sex with you––only trash such as yourself.

You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.
And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper. On a good day you’re a half-wit. You remind me of drool.

You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of a used condom. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have toe jam. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away forever.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I’m sorry. I can’t go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me.  (Source-though possibly not the original-Best of Craigslist)

Can I be a shaman?

Researchers say they have located the world’s oldest stash of marijuana, in a tomb in a remote part of China.

The cache of cannabis is about 2,700 years old and was clearly “cultivated for psychoactive purposes,” rather than as fibre for clothing or as food, says a research paper in the Journal of Experimental Botany.

The 789 grams of dried cannabis was buried alongside a light-haired, blue-eyed Caucasian man, likely a shaman of the Gushi culture, near Turpan in northwestern China.  The extremely dry conditions and alkaline soil acted as preservatives, allowing a team of scientists to carefully analyze the stash, which still looked green though it had lost its distinctive odour.

“To our knowledge, these investigations provide the oldest documentation of cannabis as a pharmacologically active agent,” says the newly published paper, whose lead author was American neurologist Dr.  Ethan B.  Russo.

Remnants of cannabis have been found in ancient Egypt and other sites, and the substance has been referred to by authors such as the Greek historian Herodotus.  But the tomb stash is the oldest so far that could be thoroughly tested for its properties.

The 18 researchers, most of them based in China, subjected the cannabis to a battery of tests, including carbon dating and genetic analysis.  Scientists also tried to germinate 100 of the seeds found in the cache, without success.

The marijuana was found to have a relatively high content of THC, the main active ingredient in cannabis, but the sample was too old to determine a precise percentage.

Researchers also could not determine whether the cannabis was smoked or ingested, as there were no pipes or other clues in the tomb of the shaman, who was about 45 years old.  The large cache was contained in a leather basket and in a wooden bowl, and was likely meant to be used by the shaman in the afterlife.

“This materially is unequivocally cannabis, and no material has previously had this degree of analysis possible,” Russo said in an interview from Missoula, Mont.

“It was common practice in burials to provide materials needed for the afterlife.  No hemp or seeds were provided for fabric or food.  Rather, cannabis as medicine or for visionary purposes was supplied.”  (NORML.org)

Live long and prosper (?)

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing ‘fairly well’ for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 85?’ He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?’ ‘Oh no,’ I replied. ‘I’m not doing drugs, either!’ Then he asked, ‘Do you eat rib-eye steaks, barbecued ribs or Sausage?’ I said, ‘No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!’  ‘Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, hiking, or bicycling?’ ‘No, I don’t,’ I said. He asked, ‘Do you gamble, drive fast cars, ride a Harley or have a lot of sex?’  ‘No,’ I said. He looked at me and said,

‘Then, why do you even give a shit?’

(posted by emmas on Tumblr)

I heartily agree.  I’d rather burn out at 65 from living life to its fullest than slowly decompose for 85 years avoiding all risk and adventure.

HTC’s Touch Diamond

Call it Raphael no longer! HTC has officially thrown the cover off its Touch Pro today — the QWERTY slider sibling of the recently-unveiled Touch Diamond — which should cover the bases for those who loved the Diamond’s keen looks but decided they’d go our of their gourds without a full set of physical keys at their disposal. Under that glossy black shell lies WiFi, HSPA with a solid 7.2Mbps on the downstream, Bluetooth, 2.8-inch VGA display, Windows Mobile 6.1 featuring HTC’s TouchFLO 3D interface, a 3.2 megapixel camera, a half gig of ROM, and 288MB of RAM. It’s not going to win any “world’s thinnest” records with an 18.05mm waistline, but those five rows of textual healing don’t come without a price. The first batch of devices will be Europe-bound in “late summer” with 900 / 2100MHz 3G alongside the quadband GSM and EDGE; North and Latin American versions are promised for later in the year. http://www.engadget.com/2008/06/04/the-htc-touch-pro/

Colbert on the fine art of losing it

35 Things Every PC User Should Know

By Christopher Null, PC World, and featured on MSN’s Tech & Gadgets, this article is well worth reading.

Storm e-mail worm evolves as it wreaks havoc on Net

Once again we need to remind our friends and family not to open emails that say they contain a card or greeting from a friend or family member. Spam can be malicious, as shown in this story from USA Today;

Like a summer cyclone gathering force, the Storm e-mail worm is casting an expanding shadow on the Internet.

Storm first spread to e-mail in-boxes in Europe and the USA in January — enticing recipients to click on a link for a fake news story about a deadly storm or other dramatic event. Clicking on the link turned the PC over to Storm’s controller.

As security companies began blocking such e-mail, Storm instead started sending out links to tainted e-cards purportedly from family or friends.

“It’s the perfect example of the cat-and-mouse game where the author modifies the threat to stay ahead,” says Ben Greenbaum, senior research at anti-virus supplier Symantec. (SYMC)

At the Black Hat security conference here, Atlanta-based security firm SecureWorks said Thursday that it has blocked 20 million copies of Storm from hitting e-mail in-boxes at its 1,800 clients since June.

New versions of Storm continue to swamp e-mail in-boxes. Clicking a tainted link causes the victim’s PC to be quietly added to a sprawling network of infected “bot” PCs, says SecureWorks senior researcher Joe Stewart.

Storm’s controller has used this bot network to relay millions of e-mail messages hyping cheap shares in obscure public companies. The crooks, of course, own shares in the companies. Once the spam drives up the price, they dump the shares at a profit.

Stewart has done groundbreaking work tracking Storm’s pump-and-dump activities. The number of active Storm bots zoomed to 1.7 million by the end of July, up from 2,815 at the end of May.

Security firms have tried to stem Storm’s damage by setting up virtual computers, called honeypots, to receive the e-mails carrying fake e-cards. Filters can then be put in place to block such e-mail. But Storm’s author quickly adjusted. The latest version detects virtual machines and does not infect them.

None of the techniques Storm’s author has used are new. But combining them toward a single goal has never been done on this scale.

“They are sending it out very aggressively,” says Mikko Hypponen, senior researcher at anti-virus firm F-Secure.

Storm has resulted in far and away the largest bot network ever measured, Stewart says. He worries that the author has other profit-making activities in mind.

“It could be the hacker is rapidly building up the botnet so it can be leased to other hackers, so that they can launch massive attacks against whatever target they choose,” he says.

Stewart’s advice: Keep anti-virus software up to date and be suspicious of any e-mail attachment or link, even from what appears to be a familiar source.

(Emphasis added)

More Googloodness

Another cool tool and member of the GoogleEarth family has been released. Here’s John Hanke’s explanation of Google’s Lat Long Blog,

Welcome to the Google “geo” blog. As web mapping (dare I say “the geoweb”?) matures, we’re finding that we have a lot more to communicate about new developments in Earth, Maps, Local, and our APIs. The tools are becoming more powerful, more accessible, and more interrelated — not only to each other, but also to the web at large and to things like search. Things are changing so fast we thought a blog focused on this topic would be the best way to communicate with you, both about our products and about the overall development of geo on the web.

Warning: this site has the potential to become work-unfriendly.

[tags]google, maps, blog[/tags]

Be careful when you blog…

Why you should probably avoid blogging about hot topics;

AOL seeks fool’s gold

In a story sure to appear in a “News of the Weird” column soon, InformationWeek offers this nugget;

Give AOL credit for persistence. The company has a court order giving it permission to dig up the yard of a Massachusetts couple, the parents of a convicted spammer who owes AOL millions of dollars. The company thinks Davis Wolfgang Hawke, 27, buried bars of gold and platinum around his folks’ home.

Hawke’s mother, Peggy Greenbaum, told The Associated Press that she doesn’t believe there’s anything valuable in the yard. “I don’t care if they dig up the entire yard,” she says. “They’re just going to make fools of themselves. We certainly wouldn’t allow him to put any gold on our property.” She’s planning to go to court and get an order to block the excavation.

The gold and platinum bars are believed to be buried in a two-acre yard in Medfield. Hawke, who has used different names in the past, lost a court case to AOL, which won a $12.8 million judgment. Authorities say they can’t find him, and he recently missed a court date.

AOL last year showed a federal judge receipts traced to Hawke for more than $350,000 in purchases of gold and platinum, and now the company wants to dig up his parents’ lawn. Metal or no metal, that might give him an incentive to resurface.

Source