I’ve mentioned my stints on the help desk for Gateway computers and D-Link products before.  While I tried to be conscientious, I did get a complaint that I was taking too much time on some of my calls.  It didn’t help to mention that I was trying to help the customer accomplish their goal so they wouldn’t have to call back.

On supervisor told me I was much more suited to an in-house IT environment.  After watching this video, I’m inclined to agree.

The Website is Down

(Click image for larger version)

How to piss off your friends on a social network…

Before you all go and get crazy about this story, please note the category. It’s just a bit of good old satire. I thought it was a rather good story to post for this particular Sunday.

Charles Richards, a previously strident atheist, was forced to renounce his beliefs under exerted pressure from his employer to work on Good Friday and Easter Monday.

‘My supervisor had approached me in the break room and asked me what I thought about the resurrection of Jesus Christ,’ explained Richards. ‘Now I’d had a bad morning so was more than happy to debate with a religious nutter, and decided to dismiss millennia of spiritual reflection and meditation by some of the greatest minds of their time with a joke about the Easter Bunny. But I wasn’t prepared for what happened next.’

Instead of the indignant response Richards expected, his supervisor began to ask him if he believed that in the modern secular age the last vestiges of religious observation should be removed from British society. ‘It was then that I clicked,’ said Richards, ‘we’re supposed to be open for calls over the bank holiday weekend and he was looking for volunteers. I started backtracking faster than Rowan Williams saying there might be something in Sharia Law.’

Scrambling for a way to avoid coming in on the holidays, Richards spotted something on the break room bench. ‘I just really went for it, saying ‘Look! What’s that on that pastry? It’s a sign! Christ will rise again!’ and started genuflecting and crossing myself furiously. The boss just stood there looking at me a little strangely. I then made a break for it before he realised I’d been worshipping a hot cross bun, and hid in the toilets till home time.’ At 5.31 Richards left the office to return to the bosom of his Christian family. He plans to rejoice in the resurrection of Christ our Lord by buying a new sofa at DFS.

He also takes it as an article of faith that their sale will end at 8pm Monday. (Source)

Many thanks to The Exterminator for this wonderful bit of silliness/subtle wisdom:

Today is Dr. Seuss’s birthday. And so, in his honor:

n a place known as Whoville the folks got distraught
When Horton the elephant said what he thought.
“The oddest of oddities isn’t as odd
As people believing that there is a god.”

The Who Jews and Muslims and Hindus and Buddhists
The Who Vegetarians, Wiccans, and Nudists,
The Who Presbyterians, Baptists, New Agers:
All spread the sad news on their cell phones and pagers.

A Who Evangelical fell to his knees
And he said, “Oh no, Horton! I beg of you, please!
We always have liked you. We all think you’re swell,
And we can’t stand the thought that you’re headed to hell!”

But Horton just laughed and he wiggled his trunk.
The bible to him was a big bunch of bunk.
He meant what he said and he said what he meant,
“Religion is silly a hundred percent.”

The Who Evangelical let out a snort in
A very snide way most insulting to Horton.
“You say you’re an atheist? Here’s what we’ll do —
We all know that atheists are anti-Who —

We’ll drive you from Whoville; we’ll send you away.
Or else we will force you to worship and pray.
A person’s a person, no matter how small
But an atheist isn’t a person at all!”

But Horton just laughed once again even louder
And told all the Whos he would not take a powder,
Nor worship some stupid nonsensical being
That no one was hearing and no one was seeing.

“I will not be threatened,” he said. “It’s not funny.
I won’t trust your god with my flag or my money!
I will not allow him to influence science.
An elephant thrives on his own self-reliance!”

The Who Evangelical said, “My dear chap, sure
You think you’re so smart, but just wait till the rapture.”
The anti-Christ’s coming and then you will find,
That your friends are in heaven but you’re left behind.

“We cannot allow that to happen to you,
Because, after all, Jesus loves ev’ry Who.
You must accept God for the good of us all.
A person’s a person no matter how small.

“And though you’re no Who (you are just a big elephant),
God loves you, too. What you are is irrelevant.
He can destroy us if someone’s defiant.
A sinner’s a sinner no matter how giant!”

The Whos approached Horton, began to surround him.
If some of the Whos had their way, they’d have drowned him.
Some others thought maybe they might build a fire.
And stoning was mentioned among the Who choir.

But Horton was huge and avoided the crunch of them,
Picked up his foot, and he stepped on a bunch of them,
Hoped the survivors would give up their mission,
So here’s what he told them about superstition:

“The oddest of oddities isn’t as odd
As people believing that there is a god.
There isn’t a heaven, or hell you should dread.
A person’s a person — unless he is dead.”

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.”
Dr. Seuss

I was reminded the other day that most of my recent comments have been restricted to Christians; I’m in danger of becoming too focused on a single branch of theism.

Let me correct that oversight by posting something that I can only hope will offend the Muslims.

Now to go find something that offends those pesky suicide-bombing, door-to-door salesman like Buddhists.

Amen.