I’ve been a Michael Blieden fan since I first saw Melvin Goes to Dinner. Next to Jerome Bixby (The Man from Earth) Michael is one of the best writers of natural dialogue I know. He’s also a major comedic writer. Here’s a sample:
Want more? Check out Guacamole.
I’ve mentioned my stints on the help desk for Gateway computers and D-Link products before. While I tried to be conscientious, I did get a complaint that I was taking too much time on some of my calls. It didn’t help to mention that I was trying to help the customer accomplish their goal so they wouldn’t have to call back.
On supervisor told me I was much more suited to an in-house IT environment. After watching this video, I’m inclined to agree.
Many thanks to The Exterminator for this wonderful bit of silliness/subtle wisdom:
Today is Dr. Seuss’s birthday. And so, in his honor:
n a place known as Whoville the folks got distraught
When Horton the elephant said what he thought.
“The oddest of oddities isn’t as odd
As people believing that there is a god.”The Who Jews and Muslims and Hindus and Buddhists
The Who Vegetarians, Wiccans, and Nudists,
The Who Presbyterians, Baptists, New Agers:
All spread the sad news on their cell phones and pagers.A Who Evangelical fell to his knees
And he said, “Oh no, Horton! I beg of you, please!
We always have liked you. We all think you’re swell,
And we can’t stand the thought that you’re headed to hell!”But Horton just laughed and he wiggled his trunk.
The bible to him was a big bunch of bunk.
He meant what he said and he said what he meant,
“Religion is silly a hundred percent.”The Who Evangelical let out a snort in
A very snide way most insulting to Horton.
“You say you’re an atheist? Here’s what we’ll do —
We all know that atheists are anti-Who —We’ll drive you from Whoville; we’ll send you away.
Or else we will force you to worship and pray.
A person’s a person, no matter how small
But an atheist isn’t a person at all!”But Horton just laughed once again even louder
And told all the Whos he would not take a powder,
Nor worship some stupid nonsensical being
That no one was hearing and no one was seeing.“I will not be threatened,” he said. “It’s not funny.
I won’t trust your god with my flag or my money!
I will not allow him to influence science.
An elephant thrives on his own self-reliance!”The Who Evangelical said, “My dear chap, sure
You think you’re so smart, but just wait till the rapture.”
The anti-Christ’s coming and then you will find,
That your friends are in heaven but you’re left behind.“We cannot allow that to happen to you,
Because, after all, Jesus loves ev’ry Who.
You must accept God for the good of us all.
A person’s a person no matter how small.“And though you’re no Who (you are just a big elephant),
God loves you, too. What you are is irrelevant.
He can destroy us if someone’s defiant.
A sinner’s a sinner no matter how giant!”The Whos approached Horton, began to surround him.
If some of the Whos had their way, they’d have drowned him.
Some others thought maybe they might build a fire.
And stoning was mentioned among the Who choir.But Horton was huge and avoided the crunch of them,
Picked up his foot, and he stepped on a bunch of them,
Hoped the survivors would give up their mission,
So here’s what he told them about superstition:“The oddest of oddities isn’t as odd
As people believing that there is a god.
There isn’t a heaven, or hell you should dread.
A person’s a person — unless he is dead.”
“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.”
Dr. Seuss
A cosmetics line that extolled the virtues of “Lookin’ Good for Jesus” has been pulled from stores in Singapore after a number of complaints from shoppers, according to media reports Tuesday.
Promising to “Redeem your reputation and more,” the product line included a “virtuous vanilla”-flavored lip balm and a “Get Tight with Christ” hand and body cream, The Straits Times said.
Wing Tai Retail, which manages the British retailer Topshop, removed the line late last month after receiving complaints.
“These products trivialize Jesus Christ and Christianity,” it quoted Nick Chui, 27, one of the complainants, as saying. “There are also sexual innuendoes in the messages and the way Jesus is portrayed in these products.”
One product has packaging with the image of Jesus wearing a bright white robe as he looks toward the heavens, while a heavily made-up blonde woman with an arm draped across his shoulder gazes dreamily at his face.
“Why would anyone use religious figures to promote vanity products? It’s very disrespectful and distasteful,” the report quoted 24-year-old accountant Grace Ong as saying. (Source)
What accounts for the recent increase in incidents of religious whining about respect? Muslims get offended by cartoons while Christians take offense at a line of tacky cosmetics.
Read the Koran or Bible and highlight all the humorous passages, all the scriptures that indicate the gods or their followers have a sense of humor or even a healthy self-image. You’ll be reading a lot and highlighting nothing. Believers may have the light of fanaticism in their eyes but you’ll be hard pressed to find one with a twinkle of wit. Considering how comical religious beliefs are, it’s too bad the religious lack the ability to appreciate that.
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The Singularity is Near by Ray Kurzweil
